. . butterflies . .

this has been something i've been thinking about for quite a long while now.. i'm not sure why but i've always been drawn to butterflies. they are beautiful. they can fly. they are free. there is just something that captures a part of my heart when one flutters through my gaze.. hmm i wish i had words to describe what comes over me. lets just say its like a peice of my heart floating through the air for the whole world to see...
so as i have been pondering butterflies and what is so special about them God is begining to reveal something to me in a perspective i haven't looked through before (i love when he does that to me hmmm) so butterflies have 4 different stages of life. being birthed the egg. caterpillar stage. cacoon stage. and then comes the butterfly. i've been realizing how much my life is like a butterfly's different stages that it has to go through. but i don't think all these transformations just happen once in our lives. i think at different times during your life you achieve the butterfly stage but then you start over to be birthed into something new. so many examples come to mind.
as a baby when your trying to explore new things and learning different things and by the end of it you finally take your first steps and you being to "fly" riding your bike. how many times had you tried and tried and after much transformation you finally learn to ride it. a friendship could be considered to go through the same process. your highschool years. and now 24.7 is the stage of life i'm in right now. i'm still trying to figure out which stage i'm at exactly. i feel like i could be beinging to come out of my shell and hatch into a caterpillar. i know the cacoon and wings still need to grow but i'm ok with the stage of life i'm in right now as long as i keep growing and keep learning. slowly and surely as a caterpillar scooches along i will do the same things. as much as i want to jump and start to fly right now i know i wouldn't be ready for that stage yet. God has me right where he wants me for this part of my life. and i know as soon as i transform into this butterfly a new stage of life will come at me and i'll have to learn all over again but i will do this for as long as i live. start new things and let God transform me into the beautiful creation he intended me to be. and each time i'll gain more of his compasion and love and knowledge and wisdom and all he has for me. i am a butterfly of God and i will follow wherever he may lead me.
well that is what God has taught me through butterflies. something that captures my heart and makes me think of so many things i've gone through and so much to come.

. . butterflies . .

. . .relationships. . .

why is it that so many many of my relationships are lovehate relationships? i could raddle of so many names right now. is that good or bad? hmm i'm trying to figure it out. but the thing is i really love these people so much like how do i express how much i love them? i love them as much as a fat kid loves cake or a dog loves chasing a ball or these are really bad examples. ok how much i love LEMONADE! i love them so much more than all those things. i would do anything for them, i would go anywhere with them, i would take an axe through a mountain for them if i needed to, i would die for them so that they could live. because my life without them would be so less flavorful. they add joy to my life, they are the spices and the sugar, they bring the best and worse out in me all at the same time it seems. but the crazy thing is they still love me back. but the same is true on the flip side of all this. i have seen them at their best and their worst but i still love them the same. i have gained so many new friends this year that i will miss so much this summer. But then i am so excited to go home to my old friends. some are home some don't live there anymore but all the same i love them. i only wish i could have my own town. a town that every person i love so much would live there. that is my one selfish desire that i have at the moment. that this summer would be full of me spending time good quality time with each person i love so much! my heart is about to jump out of my chest its beating to fast in excitement for that thought. and here is where i tell it to settle down it won't happen this summer but keep believing one day you will, you will do life with all these people that God has so specifically placed in your life. so to all of my friends i love you, if i show hate sometimes its because you know me better than i know myself sometimes and i'm mad that you knew before me :p you are incredible no matter what corner of the world you may live i am with you in spirit.

all squished into one..

wow. i've had so much going on in my life the last 2months i didn't have time to write it all out so i'm going to squish it all together. AFRICA.ARC.VACATION.ECO. hmm AFICA has it really been 2weeks since we got back? ughh i miss africa so much. my heart has been there for 2years. as soon as my team arrived at the first pastors house i felt a peace overwhelm me. God moved through me in a completely different way than he has before. but then again he's been doing that all year. i met so many wonderful, passionate, loving people while we were there. they made me want to strive to be someone different, someone stronger than who i am, someone that could do what they do on a daily basis. watching the mama's cook over an open fire and care for an entire household and still have faith to support her husband doing ministry. that is a strong courageous woman of God, that is the woman i am striving to become. oh there is so much more if only i had time to share it all.. ARC. so exciting to come together and meet new people that have the same passion for serving our King! our generation is going to do so much for Gods Kingdom i can hardly wait to see what happens. getting to see old friends was also an increditable experience even if it was only for a short while.. VACATION. well i'd say relaxing, a time set aside specifically for me to sit down and think about what has been going on in my life. a time to think. regroup. continue to learn new things even if it is vacation.. ahh and ECO i'm really not sure how to describe it besides challenge. the whole two days i had prayed for God to lead me and to take control and let me tell you his spirit lead me the whole way.. i wish i could put into words how i feel or what i'm thinking about right now but also about everything that has happend these last few weeks especially. this year is coming to a rapid hault which sadden and excites me at the same time. all i can say is Lord continue to lead me...

rocking chair surfer.. to ..world traveler

2 days ago i got a text from my dad it almost made me cry. sometimes i'm such a daddy's girl its not even funny but heres what it said. "its almost hard to believe standing on a rocking chair being 19 a world traveler, God will continue to bless you love you" now let me explain when i was a little girl i don't know maybe 1 or 2 something like that i would climb up on moms wicker rocking chair with little like toothpick arm rests and try to stand and surf on them. i don't remember any of this but i can totally imagine doing that, i've heard stories of me doing stuff like that i think there was something about a window one time ha. memories. well i had completely forgotten about that until the text. it made me think about where i've come from what i've had to go through to get to where i am today. and as i look back i can see God's finger prints all over my life in every area. thank you God for getting me here and placing the people in my life that you did and thank you for the family that has raised me.

today i just want to spend all day ful of thankfulness. thankful for the past for today for the future for this moment. thankful for everything!!!
:so the rocking chair surfer is out to the ocean for the day maybe to surf some waves: ha. . . :)